guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize