JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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