Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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