Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
