I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize