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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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