so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
