She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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