She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
