I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
