I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
