thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
