Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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