If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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