that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
