I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
