we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
