He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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