I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
