Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
