he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
