I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
