Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
