just tell him i said nine months
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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