what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize