Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
