Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
