so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
