My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
