I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
