god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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