I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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