our cab driver is having phone sex.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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