I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
