I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
