...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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