Whod you bang
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
