When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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