if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
