i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
