U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
