Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
