Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
