I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
