wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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