last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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