a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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