Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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