farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
