I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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