so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Even my vagina gasped.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Bring me that man meat
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
