She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
