Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
