i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
