I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize