Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
