You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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