THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
