Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
