i already hear my dad disowning me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
