we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
