I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
