tell your sister to shave her snatch
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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