i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
