I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
