if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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