left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
