she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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