I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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