I met the friendliest cop last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
