It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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