I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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